"So it goes"

So it goes

Grandpa died when i was six. i came from school and Dad came from work He hugged us-me

in my spiderman backpack. He smelled like mothballs and 

pinebaskets. Grandpa was mothballs and cigarettes He quit His heart was too large. we appealed, hands clasped 

left under right and then Dad came home and said He had died like my goldfish died 

the turtle ate Him. i hold His hand again in the coffin and mine have never felt so warm.

Cousin died when i was twelve i didn't know her and knew at the funeral 

Mom said Auntie killed her with too many pills. how 

pills made me feel better. i played hide-and-seek at Church and went to McDonalds and threw up my happy meal in the third hour of the cartrip home.

Grandma died when i was eighteen. She had too much Blood and They were all there for years and made the circle again 

asked me to hold Their hands and i said no. Let me into the garden to pick the magic herbs and try alchemy take me instead 

don't pray like that. i was glad when She died so i didn't have to be sad anymore. 

Twin died when i was twenty-four. He had too much heart and it broke and went to live with parents in Idaho. He'd message me late 

strange things maybe He's drunk or high or whatever how are You Troy. He woke up. His parents and said goodbye is what Father said at 

the funeral when They tried to convert me too. Troy didn't even believe in god but He told me who the Devil was. I will be 

thirty years old soon, my Brother 

*first appearing in Manastash Literary Magazine, Spring Volume 2022